i was supposed to have my baby shower the day i gave birth to mikkel. who knew he'd pop out 13 days earlier? when i went to the clinic of my ob-gyne (who also happens to be my dear aunt/ninang) for my routine check-up, mike and i were still laughing about the names we thought of for our son the night before.
gustav, picasso, vondrew, bogart, and buhawi were just few of the many crazy choices we had in mind until we settled for mikkel andrei, which we thought was nice and will not give him a hard time.
while we were waiting, my doctor arrived. it was around 12 noon. i greeted her and she lightly touched my larger than life tummy. she looked at me skeptically and said, "bakit ang tigas nyan?" i just shrugged and kept laughing.
during the check-up, i found out that my cervix was already 4 centimeters dilated. what, i was already at the end of early stage of labor and i have not even noticed it yet? wow! but the first thing i said was, "oh no, what about my baby shower?!" my aunt/doctor could not help but laugh. i was already in labor and i was still worrying about the baby shower.
then the real panic set in. "wait, i haven't packed yet! i'm not ready yet! mikkel's not yet supposed to come out until the 16th!"
do you remember the feeling when your grade school teacher thumps her ruler on the table and screams, "finished or not finished pass you papers!!!" multiply that anxiety twenty times and that was what i felt when i learned it the hard way that that babies can come out a lot earlier than you expect.
it was my first day after i left work for a leave of absence and i had so many plans in mind--read up books on giving birth, share my pregnancy joys with my friends during my baby shower, and pack my giving birth bag. i did not plan on giving birth that day!
that's when i realized that my baby does have a thing for catching me off guard and surprising me. first, my pregnancy came as a big shock for me and everyone who knew me and now, this!
my family and friends who were waiting for me at home for the baby shower were just as alarmed when they got the news. they turned the place into a mad house as they plowed through my things to pack everything that i needed and tore down the neatly wrapped gifts of baby bottles, blankets, and bibs.
when mike brought me to the labor room, i was not panicking anymore. i returned back to my usual bubbly self because i got excited to see my baby. i remember the nurse telling me that i was required to poop. it was quite embarrassing but then i did what i had to do.
after a few minutes, i achieved success and got out of the comfort room. a nurse walked to me and interviewed me about basic personal information. what is your name, do you have any family allergies, and so on. i was still very cheerful because i was not feeling any pain yet. i was even telling myself, "is this it? is this the dreadful, mind-blowing pain that my officemates kept telling me about?!"
i was brought into another part of the labor room where i waited with two other ladies. the other has been there for more than a day and i really felt sorry for her. she looked like she'd give anything just to get her baby out of her.
i was reading the newspaper when the first pang of pain struck me. i remember glancing at the wall clock and it was 4pm that exact moment. if you have experienced dysmenorrhea (menstrual uterine pain), where you feel like your insides are doing crazy knots, it was like that, only a hundred times more agonizing.
if not, imagine a 6 inch nail being pushed into your belly button and the excruciating pain reverberates throughout your whole body. i winced, twisted and somersaulted in pain. nothing helped. so this was what they were talking about! one of the doctors came to my side and asked me to stop egg-rolling all over the bed because i might fall off.
the fact that mike was not around because husbands were not allowed inside the labor room as per hospital rules did not help me at all. if only i had him to hold onto, the pain would probably be much more bearable.
because i didn't have any choice and i was going insane with pain, i called on to the guy doctor in sight and asked him to hold my hand for "moral support" (yes, i actually said those words! i saw this doctor again months after in the same hospital and i swear i was just too ashamed to even say hi.) he stared at me with a strange look on his face and jokingly muttered something like, "no thanks, you might bite me."
the pain would go away after some minutes much to my relief. but the bad news was that when it came back it was even a lot more painful. what made it worse was that i felt really alone amongst the sea of faces of doctors, nurses and patients that were all strangers to me.
i was feeling quite high because of the sedatives injected to me a few minutes earlier but i still had an inkling of what was happening. after a while, i saw a blurry but familiar image. it was my aunt/doctor. i was teary-eyed upon seeing a familiar face. my aunt asked me how i was and assured me that everything's going well. her being there gave more relief than the sedatives were able to give me. after checking up on me several times, my aunt instructed people to get me to the delivery room.
finally, it's time.
my travel from the labor room to the delivery in a stretcher was like a scene taken from an episode in ER, or at least that was what i imagined. there were flashing lights, heightened emotions, kaleidoscope images of doctors and nurses frantic and panicking, and a powerful orchestra music to heighten the drama and suspense. i doubt that it was really like that. it was probably the sedatives.
when i arrived in the delivery room, it wasn't an ER episode anymore. i felt like i was in a movie and i was the star. spotlight was on me and my vaginal opening. the director is my aunt and the supporting characters are the other doctors and nurses beside her.
i had to open my legs wide and they buckled down my feet. i don't remember the exact chronology of events but what i can never forget is the energetic, high pitched tone doctor beside me who relentlessly cheered on me, screaming, "kaya mo yan wendi, kaya mo yan, parang tae lang yan, parang isang malaking malaking tae lang yan!!!!"
i also remember someone saying something like, "hindi pa pumutok ang water bag nya, putukin na natin!" again, i don't know if it's the sedative but i heard a loud gush of water similar to a waterfall after they pinched my waterbag.
another thing i remembered was feeling a huge round thing coming out between my legs. that was the time my aunt asked to give a long hard push, which she said i cannot retract because the baby might be pulled inside.
i gave the longest and hardest grunt that i can give in my whole lifetime, that made virtually every vein in my body stand on my skin. i heard my aunt and the other doctors cheering because i was apparently doing such a great job in giving birth.
after that one seemingly endless push, the real star came out. my life is never the same again.
after i dozed off, i imagined myself receiving an award for best performance in a giving birth role, the first person i mentioned in my thank you speech would have to be of course, mike my ever supportive husband. i read in books like first time mom that many typical first time dads are uncomfortable, nervous, and somewhat insensitive to the needs of his partner. mike is the complete opposite of that. giving birth would not be a breeze if not for him.
then i also thanked my whole family and mike's family for every small and grand thing they did to make my pregnancy wonderful and easy. i won't forget to mention my friends also, especially those who stayed with me during the ups and downs of my journey as a big bellied woman.
and of course, the person who showed mikkel the way to the outside world, my aunt, my doctor, Dra Beatriz Villanueva. she is truly one of the biggest reasons why i never had any qualms or fears about giving birth even though it was a completely new endevour for me. her unwavering support and priceless guidance ever since i was a child and throughout the whole nine months of my pregnancy and even after, is just something that i would never be able to thank her enough for.
if there is one thing i can brag about this whole experience was that i never felt a single strand of fear at any point, not even for a second. for someone who is always fraught with anxiety, this is a very big deal. but this would not have been possible without the people around me who are the primary reasons why i was able to go through all of this with flying colors.
the series of weird events in my birthing experience concluded in the recovery room, where i found myself a few hours later. the other patients were sound asleep but i was restless. i hardly had any energy and yet i felt the urge to find someone awake to ask something. when some doctors came in, i immediately asked them, "is this a dream? am i dreaming? did i really give birth or am i just dreaming again? coz if i am dreaming again, this is the fourth time this week!!!"
the doctors laughed and said, "this is the real thing, dear."
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